We couldn't pass up the opportunity

If a judge is buying shampoo and toothpaste,
Maybe he'll just prefer trial-size tubes.

When I parked my car overnight in New York, I removed my radio/stereo. As a precaution against theft. I also left a boldly written sign in the window: NO RADIO, NO VALUABLES, NOTHING IN TRUNK. The next morning I found the window broken, and scribbled on my sign Were the words JUST CHECKING.

The Sunday morning sermon seemed to go on forever, and many in the Congregation fell asleep. After the service, to be social, Gladys walked up to a very sleepy looking Gentleman. In an attempt to revive him from his stupor, she extended her Hand, and said, "Hello, I'm Gladys Dunn." To which the gentleman replied, "You're not the only one!"

One night at McChord Air Force Base, I was dispatched to check out the security fence where an alarm had gone off. The fence was at the end of the base runway. When I got to the scene, I found a raccoon was the culprit, so I ran around and flapped my arms to scare the animal away. Suddenly an air-traffic controller came over the public-address system and announced loudly, "Attention to the airman at the end of the runway. You are now cleared for takeoff."

A young couple got married, and when the wife prepared to bake a ham to celebrate their first Thanksgiving, she carefully cut Off each end before placing it in the pan. Her husband asked her why she did that and she replied, "I don't know--it's what my mother always did. But I can ask her." She called Mom, who responded, "I always saw your Grandma doit, so I did the same." They decided to check further, so the young bride then called Grandma, who explained, "It was the only way I could get it to fit into my pan."

When I took my family to the zoo, the children were hippo critical.
A hawk sat atop a church because it was a bird of pray.
The ballerina found her feet too-too painful.
He put up a barn so his farm would be stable-ized.

The service area was located on a main highway leading to the beach. The pump attendant was accustomed to seeing tired and sunburned occupants In the cars that pulled in to tank up. When a rusty old station wagon containing a very tired looking couple and Seven screaming children pulled into his station, the attendant tried small talk To cheer the occupants. "Hope you had a good day at the beach! Nice looking kids there. Are they all Yours or is this a picnic?" Wearily, the driver replied, "Yes they are all mine and it is NO picnic!"

The doctor answered the phone and heard the familiar voice of a colleague On the other end of the line. "We need a fourth for poker," said the friend. "I'll be right over," whispered the doctor. As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?" "Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely. "In fact, there are three Doctors there already!"

A 4-year-old son was eating an apple in the back seat of the car, when he asked, "Daddy, why is my apple turning brown?" "Because," his dad explained, "after you ate the skin off, the meat of the apple Came into contact with the air, which caused it to oxidize. That changes the molecular structure and turns it into a different color." There was a long silence. Then the son asked softly, "Daddy, are you talking to me?

Bernie was unfortunate enough to be hit by a truck and ended up in the hospital. His best friend Morris came to visit him. Bernie struggles to tell Morris, "My wife Sadie visits me three times a day. She's so good to me. Every day, she reads to me at the bedside." "What does she read?" asks Morris. "My life insurance policy."